On A Wish And A Prayer

I spent the last week in upper New York and Manhattan. What a truly wonderful place to be for many reasons! I did so many things, went to countless places and loved every minute of it, but one special experience stands out above all the rest.

I'd walked into the Guggenheim Museum, late afternoon. There is a small fountain in the generic, contemporary shape of a fish, and as I am always wont to do, I stopped there to toss in pennies and make a wish for myself and two people who were not with me in person, but are always with me in spirit. 

As I was standing there, taking my time and giving careful consideration and thought to my purpose, I could feel that I was being watched, and after tossing in the last penny, I looked to my side and there were three lovely young girls of Asian origin; I'd venture an educated guess at Korean, who were watching me very intently. I knew they were trying to ascertain the scene before them, staring in fascination while trying not to be invasive.

I smiled widely at them to let them know they were welcome to communicate, if they wanted to.

One of them stepped forward bravely as the other two watched with wide eyes and shy smiles. She pointed toward the fountain and asked in her soft, broken English,

"What is it?". I knew she meant, 'What are you doing? What is the purpose of this custom?'

I explained, "I'm making a wish. I throw in the penny and make a wish that I would like to see come true." The young ladies stared silently and I knew the word 'wish' did not register with them. There was another way to explain.

"It is a hope, a prayer.  To hope for something; a job, health, love, luck, anything you want. A prayer for these things."  At this explanation of 'prayer', all the light bulbs above their heads flashed on and they became delighted that they understood it finally... a simple and universal concept... a sacrifice for a prayer or hope... pennies for wishes.

They got it.  They were very happy.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out two dimes and a nickel and handed them each a coin and gestured to the fountain. They went through a quick array of emotion; surprise, honor and humbleness, thankfulness, and then it gave way to serious contemplative prayer. Amidst bowing lowly, smiling and thanking me, they lined up shoulder to shoulder, all three folded their hands; coins in palm, prayed earnestly and one by one opened their eyes and tossed their coins into the fountain.

I watched with absolute pleasure. It brings me such happiness to create bonds with people, to teach and learn, to share joys and break down barriers and this was a very special one. The language challenge was gone. The opportunity to share with each other created a memorable experience for all, and it was serenely sweet to watch them all partake in this simple, heartfelt custom that they knew in a different way.

They turned to me, bowing, grinning, giddy with delight and I offered to use their camera to take a photo of them in front of the fountain, but they all three said no, they wanted a photo of me with them and I complied. We got an image of the four of us together, and I had them make one with my camera, and then they all hugged me tightly and went on their way.

What a truly wonderful blessing to be able to trade a few coins for this priceless memory. It was the best part of the trip.

Keep It Simple Scarlett

~K.I.S.S.~

To say that I have a busy, chaotic life is a monumental understatement. For a long time I've lived under the misconception that if there is a free moment, it should be filled with something that needs to be done. There is always something that needs to be done. Sisyphean tasks... always more to do... never done...

I am solely responsible for the life I make for myself; when did I ordain that I emulate Sisyphus? The things that spill over the edges of my time are not great steps to completing a magnum opus, they are like sea shells... lovely on the outside, hollow on the inside, save for the echo of something greater that isn't there.  Each duty a puzzle piece that builds the image of my life, filling moments with an immutable story that can never be unwritten, undone or remade.

There is no resource as precious and priceless as time. Not in the whole universe.

I procrastinate... and I've said that one of these days I shall stop procrastinating. I always carry my planner with me and I pencil in chaos until even a glance at the month I've made is overwhelming. Busy does not equal productive. Work smarter not harder.

Scheduling balance into life is a gamble at best... I allow so many things to come up and change the direction of the ever flowing river of time I navigate. Balance is imperative for stability, growth, strength and peace.

Peace isn't something to be scheduled into a day after the gym and before work.  We carry it within us, in every moment, in every place.

I decided to downsize. I decided to make a change to live simply. Less clutter everywhere in my life, my home, my work, my schedule; everywhere in every aspect. I began to eliminate at every juncture.
Then one of my friends moved and gave me half of the contents of her house. I have a lot of stuff. You want stuff? I got stuff. What I will not use now will be donated to those who need it far more than I. The Sisyphean task of elimination has begun again; only this time, that boulder will be resting at the top of the hill and I will walk off the mountain. Here's a great piece on what I mean by downsizing and amen to Zen.

There is a way to find peace and organization and simplicity and focus by creating it in our lives. Our hectic, noisy, chaotic, non-stop, stress filled, busy, runaway train lives.

I'll let you in on a little secret... shhh... listen...
~you really are in charge of everything in your life~.

If you don't like it, change it.

There are roughly 4 billion bits of information being processed by our brains every single second. That is a LOT of information. It does not help that we have so much more coming into us constantly (i.e. the endless stimulants to our senses that are an inherent foundation of our culture such as tv/radio/media/ads/phones/computers/entertainment/
noise/lights/all the amenities of our lives that are supposed to make our existence easier but somehow just fill up more space and time and leave us with a deficit of  enrichment).

Consider:

Environment ~ start with environment. A seed cannot grow in poor soil. If your environment isn't conducive to nurturing healthy growth, then repot yourself. Old soil doesn't have the nutrients we need to grow stronger, either, but instead leads our experience to stagnancy and inhibition.

Circumstance ~ we have basic needs to meet and the labor we trade for providing for those needs does require some of our time, but not all of it. Two things that matter here are; first, is the labor we are trading worthy of the recompense we receive? Are you happy in your work? Is it fulfilling? Will you look back at the days you've spent toiling and believe that each one was worth what you accomplished at the end? Second... all of the time that isn't given to supporting your lifestyle is yours to make what you will of it... what do you make a priority of in that time? What is it given to? Are those things something worth giving your time to? If you do not have enough time for the things you want, then change your life to make those things happen. Each second of our lives burns away so quickly, until they are gone. Make them count. Make them all count.
They don't all have to be big moments, but they should all count. Let go of the ones that clutter your precious time, the things that would continue on without you, the Sisyphean tasks that will subtly devour your life if you let them.

Opportunity ~ It has been said that the harder one works, the luckier one gets. I said above that it's a better use of time to work smarter not harder, but sometimes working smart is hard work, too. The more you go after, the more opportunity will favor you; this I know to be true in my own life. Many times people have asked me how it is that so many wonderful experiences have found their way into my life... the answer is easy. I go after them. I ask for and work for the opportunities in my life, and the rewards are that I am able to experience living outside the box. I take risks and chances. I dream big. I don't give up unless I know for certain that my endeavor isn't truly within my realistic grasp. There is always a way... like water that runs against a rock until it finds a way through, opportunity will come if it is sought. It is a rare visitor if one sits idly by and waits for it to come of its own accord.


In short... your life is what you make it. Make it truly good.

Faith Restored

I received a call from a gentleman this morning that restored some of my faith in humanity.  He'd found a wallet (no cash, he said), but there were credit cards and various things in it. The only contact information he could find in it was the phone number to my office, so he called us in an attempt to return the wallet to its owner.

I called our customers and left a message for them to come by the office and I asked the gentleman to bring the wallet by for us to hold. He said it would take a while to get to the office as he was in a different part of town and, being homeless, he'd have to take the bus to get to us but he'd arrive before we close.

Morality knows no echelon of societal class; but when one who does not have much holds fast to their ideals, it speaks volumes of their character and though this man may have no home, it is certain that he has a wealth of values.

Cuppa Joe

I pulled up to a shed that had been painted baby blue and renovated into a drive up coffee hut. A rubber hose that stretched out across the asphalt rang like a service station bell to alert the proprietor to my presence, when I drove over it. I looked at the brief and simple menu and then at the window.

A man of at least 150 years in age leaned his old weathered face out the window.
"YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?" he yelled across the two foot distance to me.

My biting satirical tongue was barred momentarily by my teeth which flashed a million dollar grin and I swallowed the smarty pants retort that rushed to spring from my lips before I ingested it... "No, Sir, I just pulled up to this drive up coffee shed to see if you could wash the windshield of my car and check the oil."  But I didn't say it.

"Yes, please, Sir!" I offered up to him as his window towered over my drivers side door.  Examining the menu, I thought I'd reserve my usual barista lingo coffee request and keep it simple for this elderly gentleman of the small country town persuasion. I was surprised to find a coffee shed there at all, let alone one which sold several beverage options in Italian (espresso, cappuccino...); it was encouraging, but I thought simple would be best.

"Could I please get a mochaccino, decaf?" I asked.

"A WHAT?!?!" he yelled at me, the deep lines on his old face transforming into bewilderment.

I realized, too late, that I had overestimated the culture curve bridging the short distance between us. I could simplify this again and put it into steps for him, in an effort to be helpful. 

"Could you please make a cappuccino?"

"YEAH."

"Do you have some sort of chocolate syrup that you could put into it, please?" ...voila, mochaccino.

"OH... YOU DON'T WANT A CAPPUCCINO. THERE'S NOTHING IN IT!" he hollered at me.

I was at a complete loss.

"I'm sorry?"

"YOU OUGHTTA GET A LATTE. DON'T YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CAPPUCCINO AND A LATTE?"

I was dumbstruck. I was trying my very best to fathom how this elderly gentleman could possibly be serious. I smiled in confusion and politeness and he took no notice; he just plowed right on.

"A CAPPUCCINO IS ALL FOAM. YOU DON'T WANT THAT. THERE'S ONLY HALF A CUP OF COFFEE. GET A LATTE, THEN YOU HAVE A WHOLE CUP OF COFFEE."

I stared at him incredulously. My two friends who were sitting in the car with me were in hysterics laughing at the situation.  I could only think that I didn't want to confound the old man any further, for that would invariably lead to more amazement on my part, and I'd had enough by this point.

"That's fine, Sir, please use decaf and please put some chocolate in it."

He left to start the coffee and I turned and stared at my friends who were still in fits of laughter. 

"HEY!" He yelled to me and I turned and looked up at him leaning out to me again.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE A SMART ASS, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU KNEW THE DIFFERENCE!" he yelled. He handed me a large cup, I paid him and we drove off.

I tasted it; it was the worst cup of joe I have ever had the misfortune to lift to my lips. I looked at my friends and said, "I'm so sorry that I didn't go to Starbucks."  They continued to laugh at the whole debacle.

Since this encounter, I have made a new cardinal rule in the Holy Book of Scarlett's Cardinal Rules... 'If they don't know what it is, don't ask them to make it, and never buy coffee from an old man in a coffee shed in a small town. Ever.'

Grains Of Sand

There were so many different grains of sand that fell this year. Each one very precious. Each one with significant purpose and meaning. I learned so much, this year, more than I have in a very long time. Listening affords one the opportunity to hear and then change, if one is open to that.

This was the year that seemed to ride on shifting sands all the way through... everything I thought would go one way, went another, so many plans were changed or let go of, and things I didn't expect presented themselves from seemingly nowhere.

Fine grains~

     There was forgiveness between people I love, and I forgave, and I was graciously forgiven.  It emphasized compassion, understanding, patience, devotion and love, and it strengthened bonds.

     There was discovery and adventure in small and huge ways, in new places and in old, hand in hand with friends, which only serves to enrich those kind of experiences even more.  These excursions included the procurement of a red satin fringed flapper dress, Tony Bennett, King Tut, incredible moments in Muir Woods, tigers & leopards, ocean waves, orca whales, beautiful cities, a champagne birthday on a beach before an ocean sunset, a random cow, tangible history in Westminster Abbey, new friends in London, old and new hidden treasured places along the Thames, midnight under Big Ben, a movie set & some incredible actors, dolphins in SF Bay (?!), the best breakfast cafe in SF, the best sushi in the world in V.BC, a girl and her horse make beautiful subjects before a lens, mountain lakes don't last for eternity, there are faerie glens in woods & secret mountain places, I went halfway up the Eiffel Tower... again, the umbrella salesman has a stand at the end of the rainy road, I already met the only accordion player who knows La Vie En Rose and he's not in Vegas, art comes in every form and when it's water, it's beautiful, there's no rush or thrill like standing on a stage in a theatre singing your heart out to strangers, and it is equally thrilling to see dear friends do the same.

    

Medium grains-

     Friendships mean different things to different people and when they are lost, it isn't always a bad thing.  In the face of lost friendships, the loyalty and devotion of good friends is truly shown for its priceless worth. 

     When times are very difficult, in loss, in fright, in pain, in anger, in confusion, there isn't anything so good or precious as the warm steady strength of a friends hand or loving arms to make it through the darkness.

     We have control over our environments, most of the time, and we have absolute control over how we choose to react to our environments and our experiences.  I quote Viktor Frankl, a holocaust survivor, “...The last of human freedoms – the ability to choose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances.” as he explains how he made it through his unthinkable ordeal.  I repeated lessons in learning to adapt and grow in different environments... learning to make choices that would benefit others as well as myself.

     Humbleness is found in honesty with self and when spoken with love by others, and it is the essential nutrient a soul needs to grow strong and upright. 

     Allowing shame and guilt to dictate behavior and thought is an unnecessary self-inflicted binding that hinders recovery and growth and should be left alone entirely.

Coarse grains- 

     One of the biggest lessons of the year, and one I am still working through, is that love is all encompassing... real love knows no bounds, it is not ruled by organization... by trying to force it into categories and definitive segments... compartmentalized until it is nicely and neatly controlled. It is fluid, powerful, endless, as the oceans I love so much. Learning how to love like that is a work in progress for me.  It is astounding what I've held back from others because I did not understand the way that love is.  I raged against the wall only to discover that I'd built the dam with my own two hands, all by myself.  There's a confounding revelation.

      Another lesson is learning to deal with everything as it comes, instead of pretending it does not exist, as has been my modus operandi for a long while.  This behavior has excluded me from the very world at large... known, unknown, wanted, unwanted, and I've missed more than I could ever express. I have a passion for life that is boundless within certain bounds.  That paradox cuts off so much possibility. I want boundless passion for life... period. I don't want to miss anything. Ever.      

    

I hope that this year has found you well and successful in every way. Healthy, strong, and happy. I hope you've realized dreams and goals, and I hope you have new ones shining in the distance of days to come.

Happy New Year

~Fair Warning~

If you lurk without commenting, I shall send my Pirate friends after you, and I've got lots of them.  If you are a Pirate, I shall send my secret Ninja. 

Shyness isn't paid, tipped or tolerated and opinions are like belly buttons; everybody's got one, so leave yours before you wander off.

Thank you.

HRH

Top Ten ~ Healthiest Sins

From 1-10, as per Health magazine's proknowitalls: 

Sleep....

Play!

Physical Love ~ XO

A little chocolate every day...

Girls night out! Friends are imperative!

Fattening dressing... honest!

A cuppa joe.

~Relaxing massage~

A little sun...

Vino by the 5 ounce glass a day!

Now... remember, too much isn't good for you, but a little bit will get you a long way! 

More details at CNN.

A Nickel's Worth Of Free Advice

From a recent discussion on Ethics... a good reminder.

~Take responsibility for your actions
~Do not make excuses
~Develop a personal discipline
~Balance time, energy and goals
~Know your weaknesses
~Align your priorities with your values
~Admit your mistakes and ask for forgiveness
~Take extra care with your finances
~Put your family ahead of your work
~Place a high value on people; and trust them
~Do periodic self-evaluations

~Live with integrity
~Know what you stand for, and what you won't stand for
~Live with a culture of honesty
~Live with a culture of humility
~Listen to the ideas of others
~Have the courage to tackle tough issues
~Encourage ethical behavior
~Live your values

...what would the world be like if we all did these simple ethical things?

Ladies Choice ~ A Womans Right To Vote In America

Eighty-eight years ago, after long angry battles that raged, arrests, tortured incarcerations, marches, picket lines and a war for equality that drew blood and the attention of the nation, women finally won the right to vote.


HBO created a movie about the women who fought so tirelessly so that all the generations of women after them could have a voice... could live in a society of equality... it's a tough movie to watch, to realize what was sacrificed so that women could step behind the curtain and exercise their choice... their right to vote, to change the nation and the future of our country. I absolutely recommend this Hilary Swank gem: Iron Jawed Angels

Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton
Both of these ladies worked incessantly to get the vote, and both passed away before their dreams were realized.


~Alice Paul~


Lucretia Mott



~Lucy Burns~




“Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the Negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?

That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?

Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or Negroes' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?

Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.

If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back, and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it. The men better let them.

Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say.”

--Sojourner Truth


Whether you vote Democrat, Republican or Independent...
GET OUT AND VOTE
The right to do so was not given freely, it was hard fought and hard won by the blood and tears of our foremothers.
Make their sacrifices and dreams count.

Settling Matters Of The Heart ~ The Cardinal Rules Of Love

One of my very dearest fellow lion owners from the Shameless Lions Writing Circle; Rel of Under The Microscope (and his lion Zaccharias), recently posted a question regarding couples who settle for each other, when they are perhaps not well suited for one another.

Is it okay to settle? Rel asked.

My heart and mind were stirred into a tempest with this query... as I have a very strong belief about it. It is one that is well known to my friends, and usually shared emphatically with those who ask me about it. My response to Rel was this:

I am sure that it is a matter of opinion; and for some, yes... settling is fine, they'd rather have someone than be alone.

For me... absolutely not.

I'd never, ever settle. If it's not absolute, true, real love then I don't want it. I am worth that. I am worth being loved for who I am, all of my days, by one who could not imagine waking up without me by his side every day of his life, and one who wouldn't want to.

And he is worth being loved like that in return, for as I expect it, so would I give it, to the nth degree.

What is real love, but living your life with a partner whose existence is the air that you breathe, one who fills your heart with fiery passion, strong love and peaceful contentment, and who, by their love and devotion, is the inspiration that lifts the wings of your soul to reach ever higher, to be the best that you can be... and then, to give all of that back to your mate with every fiber of your being out of the necessity of love, because your heart would burst if you did not; you could know no other way to exist than to give all of yourself to him, as he does to you.

What is settling for mediocrity in the face of that? It is nothing, and I would walk away from nothing, every time. I would rather be alone than in a lie. If I settle, then what do I believe I am worth? No better than sufficient? Acceptable? What do I believe that my partner is worth then, if I am settling for mediocrity with him... then that makes him less than he should be worth in the eyes of one who should love him without limits.


I have seen too many cold and loveless relationships die, or exist like a hollow and empty shell for no beneficial reason. Life is far too short to live like that; without love, within a lie. If it's not the real thing, it isn't worth the endeavor.

Thank you, Rel. This was a very good question.

Cardinal Rules V

It has come to my attention that we need to review the rules.

Not regular rules, which are meant to be bent, broken, twisted and otherwise tossed aside with scandalous disregard, but Cardinal Rules. Guidelines and standards by which we live, and which are never, ever broken.

In order to provide an all encompassing and comprehensive list, I have requested the assistance of four incomparable women who are wise, witty, experienced, strong, open minded and walk through each day with humor and a good woman's grace.

Welcome to Minx of The Inner Minx, Sognatrice of Bleeding Espresso, Heart of Guilty With an Explanation, and Vanilla of Absolute Vanilla. Thank you for your assistance ladies, I couldn't have designed a better team to produce these essential life rules.

We will feature each ladies Cardinal Rules for one day this week.

Cardinal Rules

Scarlett's Cardinal Rules:

~ Thou shalt not hate. No good comes of it, which consequently makes it a monumental waste.

~Be honest, kind and patient

~We are not as good as we could be; strive to be a better person and leave this world a better place for your having passed through it, EVERY single day. We are part of everyone and everything around us, build and grow within it.

~When you're wrong, say so, and apologize sincerely - repaired bridges will last decades longer than weak and broken ones

~Do not judge... lest ye be judged

~Forgive. Remember the lesson, and grow from it, but forgive

~Treat others with dignity and respect

~When you give your word, stand by it and make its worth good

~Always have dreams... they may change over time, but always have dreams

~Don't pass up opportunities to close your eyes and make a wish

~When you can help, do. There is no excuse to walk away from need when you can make a difference

~Don't assume anything; ask and be certain

~LISTEN with everything in you

~Never, ever ask a man how you look unless he's gay. - Straight men don't look at clothes, they look at where the clothes stop and the skin begins. If they have a 'vested intimate interest' in you, you are not going to get an honest answer. The only straight men who have any fashion sense at all are Metrosexual and they are in short order; if you find one, keep him in whatever capacity you can get him (preferably friends). This is what your girlfriends are for; your good close girlfriends who would tell you if you had broccoli in your teeth and if your outfit is NOT flattering.

~Let the people that you care about know just how much they mean to you - you don't know how much time you have left with them

~Laugh a lot; laughter is the rainbow that pushes the clouds away

~Hold hands; there isn't anything we can't get through when we have a hand to hold along the way

~There are times when one must splurge, life is too short for permanent practicality

~Be daring whenever possible -it broadens horizons, and you will miss less of life

~Explore what you do not understand until you do understand it, even if you disagree

~Look closely at who and what is beneath the surface, and you will always be surprised one way or the other

~Time is the most precious gift and commodity that we are ever given; how you spend it absolutely defines who and what you are


Thank you Heart, Minx, Vanilla and Sognatrice for your help on this project, it's been so fun and a very good review!

Cardinal Rules IV

It has come to my attention that we need to review the rules.

Not regular rules, which are meant to be bent, broken, twisted and otherwise tossed aside with scandalous disregard, but Cardinal Rules. Guidelines and standards by which we live, and which are never, ever broken.

In order to provide an all encompassing and comprehensive list, I have requested the assistance of four incomparable women who are wise, witty, experienced, strong, open minded and walk through each day with humor and a good woman's grace.

Welcome to Minx of The Inner Minx, Sognatrice of Bleeding Espresso, Heart of Guilty With an Explanation, and Vanilla of Absolute Vanilla. Thank you for your assistance ladies, I couldn't have designed a better team to produce these essential life rules.

We will feature each ladies Cardinal Rules for one day this week.

Cardinal Rules

Sognatrice's Cardinal Rules

Per Sognatrice's request, this is a second publishing of a post she wrote when she turned 31, and it's completely appropriate for this project. Thanks Sognatrice!

31 Things I’ve Learned in My 31 Years

1. Family members can be friends and friends can be like family members.
2. Laughing until your stomach hurts should happen at least once a day.
3. Being alone does not have to mean being lonely.
4. Dreaming is essential to living.
5. When what others want and what you want differ, trust your instincts.
6. Dogs are woman’s best friend too.
7. Sometimes love really isn’t enough.
8. Broken hearts should be worn with pride; it means you dared to love.
9. Peanut butter goes with everything.
10. Fireplaces, books, and blankets rule, especially when enjoyed together.
11. Inclement weather and important appointments are like peas and carrots.
12. Trying new things and meeting new people keep life interesting.
13. You can’t control what others do, but you can control how you react to them.
14. Stepping and/or kneeling on tacks hurts. A lot. Avoid it.
15. Love can be found in the wind.
16. Trust is a choice.
17. Innards for dinner do nothing for me.
18. The shower is a good place to cry.
19. Living simply helps others simply live.
20. Being wrong isn’t failure, it’s human.
21. Everything happens for a reason.
22. Sleeping, particularly napping, is underrated.
23. Being the bigger person isn’t always easy, but it’s always rewarding.
24. The sound of someone’s voice can be the most beautiful music in the world.
25. You don’t need to meet someone in person to develop a close relationship.
26. Success and happiness are best defined individually, i.e., by each person.
27. Appreciating small, good things makes dealing with big, bad things easier.
28. Homemade is always better.
29. Being accessible 24 hours a day is annoying.
30. The best way to learn a foreign language is full, painful-at-times immersion.
31. Moving ahead is easier if you understand where you’ve been.

____________________________________
Thank you so very much Cara! What a wonderful list, and all of it so true!
Tomorrow will be our last installment of Cardinal Rules, don't miss it!

Cardinal Rules III

It has come to my attention that we need to review the rules.

Not regular rules, which are meant to be bent, broken, twisted and otherwise tossed aside with scandalous disregard, but Cardinal Rules. Guidelines and standards by which we live, and which are never, ever broken.

In order to provide an all encompassing and comprehensive list, I have requested the assistance of four incomparable women who are wise, witty, experienced, strong, open minded and walk through each day with humor and a good woman's grace.

Welcome to Minx of The Inner Minx, Sognatrice of Bleeding Espresso, Heart of Guilty With an Explanation, and Vanilla of Absolute Vanilla. Thank you for your assistance ladies, I couldn't have designed a better team to produce these essential life rules.

We will feature each ladies Cardinal Rules for one day this week.

Cardinal Rules

Minx's Cardinal Rules

1. The biggest wardrobe is ours by right. You can have the small one in the spare bedroom and the old chest of drawers in the garage.

2. Supportive undergarments are never talked about in public and we don't own any anyway. The one you might have seen belongs to a fat friend.

3. Shoes are bought in bulk, it is the law.

4. We reserve the right to hate something once we get it home and can store it in your (small) wardrobe for the next five years.

5. Mirrors lie all the time but you are expected to tell the truth!

6. New boots always come with a free pair of jeans, a new top, a scarf and that lovely jacket that you've had your eye on for ages.

7. A coat is never bought to keep the rain off. We have cars for that.

8. Our bum's never look big in anything, but the bum walking down the street in front of us is allowed to be huge, absolutely huge.

9. A nod from behind the paper is not the answer we are looking for when we have inquired whether we look okay. "You look nice" is enough to send us running for a change of clothes.

10. It is perfectly acceptable to wear your best t-shirt to bed and to drop chocolate pudding all over it but unless you have a death wish don't ever put any of our clothes on - ever.

11. Female underwear is made to fall apart after six washes - it is a design fault.

12. "No, of course it's not new. I bought it in the sale last year" is always the gospel truth. Would I lie to you?


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Thank you so very much, Miss Minx! What a fabulous list!
Words to live by, unquestionably.
Come back tomorrow for Sognatrice's Cardinal Rules!

Cardinal Rules II

It has come to my attention that we need to review the rules.

Not regular rules, which are meant to be bent, broken, twisted and otherwise tossed aside with scandalous disregard, but Cardinal Rules. Guidelines and standards by which we live, and which are never, ever broken.

In order to provide an all encompassing and comprehensive list, I have requested the assistance of four incomparable women who are wise, witty, experienced, strong, open minded and walk through each day with humor and a good woman's grace.

Welcome to Minx of The Inner Minx, Sognatrice of Bleeding Espresso, Heart of Guilty With an Explanation, and Vanilla of Absolute Vanilla. Thank you for your assistance ladies, I couldn't have designed a better team to produce these essential life rules.

We will feature each ladies Cardinal Rules for one day this week.

Cardinal Rules

Heart at Guilty With An Explanation

1. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.


2. Treat service people politely and respectfully. Someone who is nice to friends but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.


3. Never, ever ask someone when her baby is due unless you know for a fact that she is really pregnant.


4. Never try to convert anyone to your religious beliefs. This is arrogant and demeaning and will always be resented. Besides, everyone's views are equally valid.


5. Always try to support and build up your friends. If you can't do that in honesty, they shouldn't be your friends.

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Thank you very much, Heart! Excellent list.
Come back tomorrow for more Cardinal Rules!

Cardinal Rules I

It has come to my attention that we need to review the rules.

Not regular rules, which are meant to be bent, broken, twisted and otherwise tossed aside with scandalous disregard, but Cardinal Rules. Guidelines and standards by which we live, and which are never, ever broken.

In order to provide an all encompassing and comprehensive list, I have requested the assistance of four incomparable women who are wise, witty, experienced, strong, open minded and walk through each day with humor and a good woman's grace.

Welcome to Minx of The Inner Minx, Sognatrice of Bleeding Espresso, Heart of Guilty With an Explanation, and Vanilla of Absolute Vanilla. Thank you for your assistance ladies, I couldn't have designed a better team to produce these essential life rules.

We will feature each ladies Cardinal Rules for one day this week.


Cardinal Rules

Absolute Vanilla's Cardinal Rules:

Some (but by no means all!) Cardinal Rules:

If you don't want to know the truth, don't ask for it.

If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything.

If aren't willing to play nicely, don't play at all.

Play nicely, but don't be a doormat. I mean, do you really want everyone's dirt rubbing off on you?

Set your boundaries, or run the risk of invasion.

Men, like grizzly bears, need their caves. Respect that and just let them be - or run the risk of being growled at or bitten.

If you want a strong willed person to do something, let them believe it was their idea. (How one achieves this is generally beyond me!)

If you want to get slim - don't eat carbs after lunchtime.

If you really want to get thin - don't eat sugar. Yes, that's right, put those jelly beans down now!

Laugh every day. Sing in the shower. Have fun. Smile at strangers. Talk to and cuddle animals. Hug trees. And practice mindfulness.

Walk tall and believe in yourself - you'll feel so much better about you and your life. Oh go on, try it, I dare you!

Practice positive affirmations - and do it in the present tense. So it's not "I want to be a successful published author", but "I am a successful published author". Now go and practice signing autographs!

Love yourself and know you're beautiful. Smile at yourself in the mirror. See, there you go - you are beautiful and lovable.

Know that all is one.

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Thank you so much Vanilla!
Come back each day this week for more Cardinal Rules.

Life Staples

I usually don't do this... but, got this in an email and it's too good not to post:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7 . Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood, but the second one is up to you & no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will.Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative of dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw those of everyone else, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful , or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come .
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Those who matter don't judge me....those who judge me don't matter."