Cuppa Joe

I pulled up to a shed that had been painted baby blue and renovated into a drive up coffee hut. A rubber hose that stretched out across the asphalt rang like a service station bell to alert the proprietor to my presence, when I drove over it. I looked at the brief and simple menu and then at the window.

A man of at least 150 years in age leaned his old weathered face out the window.
"YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?" he yelled across the two foot distance to me.

My biting satirical tongue was barred momentarily by my teeth which flashed a million dollar grin and I swallowed the smarty pants retort that rushed to spring from my lips before I ingested it... "No, Sir, I just pulled up to this drive up coffee shed to see if you could wash the windshield of my car and check the oil."  But I didn't say it.

"Yes, please, Sir!" I offered up to him as his window towered over my drivers side door.  Examining the menu, I thought I'd reserve my usual barista lingo coffee request and keep it simple for this elderly gentleman of the small country town persuasion. I was surprised to find a coffee shed there at all, let alone one which sold several beverage options in Italian (espresso, cappuccino...); it was encouraging, but I thought simple would be best.

"Could I please get a mochaccino, decaf?" I asked.

"A WHAT?!?!" he yelled at me, the deep lines on his old face transforming into bewilderment.

I realized, too late, that I had overestimated the culture curve bridging the short distance between us. I could simplify this again and put it into steps for him, in an effort to be helpful. 

"Could you please make a cappuccino?"

"YEAH."

"Do you have some sort of chocolate syrup that you could put into it, please?" ...voila, mochaccino.

"OH... YOU DON'T WANT A CAPPUCCINO. THERE'S NOTHING IN IT!" he hollered at me.

I was at a complete loss.

"I'm sorry?"

"YOU OUGHTTA GET A LATTE. DON'T YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CAPPUCCINO AND A LATTE?"

I was dumbstruck. I was trying my very best to fathom how this elderly gentleman could possibly be serious. I smiled in confusion and politeness and he took no notice; he just plowed right on.

"A CAPPUCCINO IS ALL FOAM. YOU DON'T WANT THAT. THERE'S ONLY HALF A CUP OF COFFEE. GET A LATTE, THEN YOU HAVE A WHOLE CUP OF COFFEE."

I stared at him incredulously. My two friends who were sitting in the car with me were in hysterics laughing at the situation.  I could only think that I didn't want to confound the old man any further, for that would invariably lead to more amazement on my part, and I'd had enough by this point.

"That's fine, Sir, please use decaf and please put some chocolate in it."

He left to start the coffee and I turned and stared at my friends who were still in fits of laughter. 

"HEY!" He yelled to me and I turned and looked up at him leaning out to me again.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE A SMART ASS, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU KNEW THE DIFFERENCE!" he yelled. He handed me a large cup, I paid him and we drove off.

I tasted it; it was the worst cup of joe I have ever had the misfortune to lift to my lips. I looked at my friends and said, "I'm so sorry that I didn't go to Starbucks."  They continued to laugh at the whole debacle.

Since this encounter, I have made a new cardinal rule in the Holy Book of Scarlett's Cardinal Rules... 'If they don't know what it is, don't ask them to make it, and never buy coffee from an old man in a coffee shed in a small town. Ever.'

Oh The Irony Of It All

First and foremost: a hearty thank you to those who served their country whether or not they agreed with politics or war.  Happy Veteran's Day.

Second... I had something shipped from a distant library to my library because I need it desperately and immediately.  I got an email from my library this morning saying that it was in and I could come pick it up when I liked.  So, I drove to the library today, was delighted because the parking meters were free (Veteran's Day) and then completely flummoxed that the library was closed (Veteran's Day).  My urgent request will have to wait until tomorrow. 

Momentary Pause For A Trainwreck

Normally I only post quality material on this blog.

I'm going to make an exception today because Halloween just didn't scare me enough and one of my friends directed me to a very scary website; a recommendation which just may have earned him a smack in the back of the head.

As with any trainwreck, it's one of those seriously disturbing things that draws you in and you just can't look away, even when you know you should.

Fair warning & disclaimer given.  Welcome to People of Walmart.com.  Don't eat or drink anything while you are at this site; it will not end well.

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

It is astounding to me that people like this exist on our planet, and may I just say how grateful I am that so far our paths have not crossed often. Sometimes there are just no words... and yet, somehow, the commentator on this website is witty enough to find a fitting & oftentimes humorous caption for every single photo.

If you click on the photo tab, be sure you scroll down each page... you won't believe what you'll see. 

Here are some of the more TAME demo shots from the site... Don't say we didn't warn you:

It's The Great Pumpkin!

Mid October a few years ago, I found myself feeling inspired and crafty and standing in the aisle at the supermarket, paging through a holiday magazine looking at those fancy schmancy pumpkins that are carved into amazing Jack O'Lanterns.

I decided that it didn't look that difficult and that I ought to make one. The timing was good, a couple of weeks before Halloween. It would last, I thought. This couldn't be that difficult, I was certain.

I bought a good size pumpkin, parked myself on a large towel on the garage floor on a sunny afternoon with the garage door open and the radio on and went to work. Cleaned it out, carved the lid, and then prepared to make my image.

I pulled out a Peanuts color book and found a great image of Snoopy that would be perfect on a pumpkin.  Snoopy is requisite Halloween subject matter, considering The Great Pumpkin.  I taped it to the pumpkin, took a toothpick and poked dots all along the lines that needed to be carved out; sort of a 'carve along the dotted line' idea.  Dotting done, I removed the color book page and set to work with my special pumpkin carving knife.

At first, things seemed to be going well and I was fairly pleased with the results... but then I overestimated the carve and tried to fix it with extra toothpicks pushed into the inside side of the pumpkin and superglue.  A word to the wise... superglue does not work on pumpkins.  It does, however, work very well on fingers, paper towels, cloth towels and plastic carving knives.  

In the end, I was relegated to carving my usual simple Jack O'Lantern face into a new pumpkin. 

I'll leave the fancy carving to the pros!
  

Have a Happy Halloween!

 

One for Viaggiatore



 

A Snoopy for me

 



In Which I Become The Muse Of Irony & Serendipity

Scarlett: I'll have a chicken salad, please.

Waitress: We don't have chicken salad.

Scarlett: Fine.  I'll have a chicken burrito with lettuce and tomato and hold the tortilla.

Waitress: No problem, that will be right out.

Scarlett:  :/

My Brother's Keeper

Matthew and Marcus Mauceri are twin brothers. 

Matthew Mauceri (age 40) was flying in to Clearwater, Florida on Tuesday morning to attend his court trial, in which he is charged with scheming to defraud. 

Apparently he hasn't figured out yet that scheming to defraud is illegal, because he perpetuated yet another instance of it when he schemed to defraud the court he was supposed to be attending for scheming to defraud. 

I'll expound.

He realized en route that he would not make his trial on time and asked his twin brother to go to court for him in his stead ~ and by 'in his stead' I mean literally pretending to be him.   

Matthew's own attorney (who'd defended both men previously ~ note, repeat offenders) realized that things were 'one juror short of a full jury', and tipped the judge off.  Marcus swore under oath that he was Matthew, then the judge had a fingerprint test done on Marcus and the truth was discovered.

Marcus is now serving 179 days for criminal contempt of court and his brother Matthew (who finally showed up) now has charges of failure to appear and contempt of court to answer for in addition to his trial for scheming to defraud.

Albert Einstein has been quoted as saying that 'the definition of insanity is repeating the same action over and over again, expecting different results'. 

Forest Gump was quoted as saying 'Stupid is as stupid does'.

I'm going with Forest on this one.