Thursday, October 2, 2008

There's An Explanation For Almost Everything

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact.

The last paragraph explains the entire theorem.

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to occur, to take from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.


~Author unknown

12 comments:

Remiman said...

Scarlett,
OMG, I'm ROFLMAO.............






Whew, thanks for indulging my hysterical out break.
The problem is that this is so right on as to not be satirical.
The scary part is it's ability to self perpetuate.

Thanks God there are "normalies" like you and me out there making the wheels go around!
XXOO,
rel

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Lol!Whoever wrote that has my vote for president any day :P

Molly said...

Hilarious! And on a sober note, too true! Too many morons....

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Dearest Rel,

Isn't it hilarious? It's probably the most intelligently created humor I've ever seen.
It's exactly right, and so, so funny... because it's true.
More's the pity.


Sameera!

Good call! We'll have to research it, find out who wrote it and write their name into the ballot!
Anyone with wit and intellect like that would get my vote any day!


Hey Miss Molly!

*groan* I know... I know. We are the many being led by the few who have no God blessed clue, and we keep voting them into office and then leaving them there!
We need national therapy.
;o)


Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Clowncar said...

That's pretty funny.

I saw that moron line coming a mile away, though.

Very pretty moon last night. Clouds tonight, sadly.

BS5 Blogger said...

Hello! A reciprocal visit from BS5 (thank you for looking in). I enjoyed this post! I also liked the Jack V as your picture - that's a great painting, don't you think? Just going to have a look at your recent Posts if that's okay?

Have a great weekend.

Suburbia said...

I thought this was real at first!!
I was thinking how clever you were and how funny I'd not read/heard about a new find in physics over here!!
lol :)

bohemian mummy said...

I arrived via the black box.
That's fantastically funny and very true!

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Clowncar,

Morons are very obvious that way...
It was a truly lovely moon, I was enjoying it while I drove back down from Estes and a 'fall photo excursion' into RMNpark.
Just gorgeous.


BS5

Welcome! Thanks for coming by.
I *love* Vettriano's work. I have two of his prints hanging in my bedroom. This was an instant pick for my avatar, as soon as I saw it.
It's called 'In thoughts of you'. I actually did a post about it not too long ago.
If you want to dig around the archives, my personal favorites are:
The 3 Men Who Walked On Water
Philosophy, Justification and Irony
My Love
Easter Chicken
and Dream Maker

Have fun!


Suburbia,

You never fail to crack me up and make me laugh, funny lady!
But... it IS true!


Hi Bohemian Mummy,

Welcome!
Yes... it is truly a good laugh.
Thanks for coming by!



Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Eastcoastdweller said...

Very convincing theorum. Perhaps the elusive dark matter of space that we hear about these days, is the accumulated souls of these dearly departed morons.

Eastcoastdweller said...

The worst part for someone like me who lives in Virginia, is that any trip to our northern sector means that my molecules will be brought to a grinding halt by masses of this element spread across the Beltway.

Neil said...

That was funny ^^ Good find, Wanderlust!