Passport Stamps

"One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries." 
~A. A. Milne

Cuppa Joe

I pulled up to a shed that had been painted baby blue and renovated into a drive up coffee hut. A rubber hose that stretched out across the asphalt rang like a service station bell to alert the proprietor to my presence, when I drove over it. I looked at the brief and simple menu and then at the window.

A man of at least 150 years in age leaned his old weathered face out the window.
"YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?" he yelled across the two foot distance to me.

My biting satirical tongue was barred momentarily by my teeth which flashed a million dollar grin and I swallowed the smarty pants retort that rushed to spring from my lips before I ingested it... "No, Sir, I just pulled up to this drive up coffee shed to see if you could wash the windshield of my car and check the oil."  But I didn't say it.

"Yes, please, Sir!" I offered up to him as his window towered over my drivers side door.  Examining the menu, I thought I'd reserve my usual barista lingo coffee request and keep it simple for this elderly gentleman of the small country town persuasion. I was surprised to find a coffee shed there at all, let alone one which sold several beverage options in Italian (espresso, cappuccino...); it was encouraging, but I thought simple would be best.

"Could I please get a mochaccino, decaf?" I asked.

"A WHAT?!?!" he yelled at me, the deep lines on his old face transforming into bewilderment.

I realized, too late, that I had overestimated the culture curve bridging the short distance between us. I could simplify this again and put it into steps for him, in an effort to be helpful. 

"Could you please make a cappuccino?"

"YEAH."

"Do you have some sort of chocolate syrup that you could put into it, please?" ...voila, mochaccino.

"OH... YOU DON'T WANT A CAPPUCCINO. THERE'S NOTHING IN IT!" he hollered at me.

I was at a complete loss.

"I'm sorry?"

"YOU OUGHTTA GET A LATTE. DON'T YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CAPPUCCINO AND A LATTE?"

I was dumbstruck. I was trying my very best to fathom how this elderly gentleman could possibly be serious. I smiled in confusion and politeness and he took no notice; he just plowed right on.

"A CAPPUCCINO IS ALL FOAM. YOU DON'T WANT THAT. THERE'S ONLY HALF A CUP OF COFFEE. GET A LATTE, THEN YOU HAVE A WHOLE CUP OF COFFEE."

I stared at him incredulously. My two friends who were sitting in the car with me were in hysterics laughing at the situation.  I could only think that I didn't want to confound the old man any further, for that would invariably lead to more amazement on my part, and I'd had enough by this point.

"That's fine, Sir, please use decaf and please put some chocolate in it."

He left to start the coffee and I turned and stared at my friends who were still in fits of laughter. 

"HEY!" He yelled to me and I turned and looked up at him leaning out to me again.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE A SMART ASS, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU KNEW THE DIFFERENCE!" he yelled. He handed me a large cup, I paid him and we drove off.

I tasted it; it was the worst cup of joe I have ever had the misfortune to lift to my lips. I looked at my friends and said, "I'm so sorry that I didn't go to Starbucks."  They continued to laugh at the whole debacle.

Since this encounter, I have made a new cardinal rule in the Holy Book of Scarlett's Cardinal Rules... 'If they don't know what it is, don't ask them to make it, and never buy coffee from an old man in a coffee shed in a small town. Ever.'

Passport Stamps ~ On The Lighter Side

"Yes, I'd like the Reality entree with the special Common Sense Sauce, a side of Snark, lightly grilled, the Wild Side Salad but please hold the Stupid Nuts, bring the Spice of Life dressing on the side and Chocolate Covered Dreams for dessert, please."
~ Wanderlust Scarlett

Zombie Apocalypse Plan ~ Centers For Disease Control & Prevention

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has created a Zombie Apocalypse Plan. It's fairly well thought out and presented. It's important to be prepared for just about anything. Zombie Apocalypse preparedness is just another step in ensuring the safety and survival of the living in the event that the Mayans were off on their calendar and the Zombies rise to eat all of our brains.
If nothing else, it is a good laugh, and laughter is the best medicine. Thank you, CDC, for looking out for the well being of all, in many ways.

The Unemployed Philosophers Guild

Viaggiatore and I wandered across a delightful new site and must share it with you; it's that good. I don't like to think of any philosopher being unemployed, but this group has made the most of it, that's certain!

Welcome to The Unemployed Philosophers Guild!

This is where you will find such fantastical fancies as:

Atonemints... for each of your sins - You could ask forgiveness with fresh breath, which won't hurt...  

Relativity of Time Watch  -  The numbers on this watch actually rotate with each passing second, making 3:00 into 9:00 in 30 seconds.

Alice's Enchantmints - Fresh breath for the Curiouser and Curiouser! 

 

Inspired by Leonardo's notebooks, this watch tells time backwards. The numbers are backwards. Everything is backwards. Look at in a mirror and it looks like a normal (but beautiful) watch.

Mug Shots - 6 arresting shotglasses! Includes Al Capone, John Dillinger, Bugsy Siegel, Lucky Luciano, Machine Gun Kelly, and Pretty Boy Floyd.

"Super Strong Manly peppermints. Let the world see and smell you for who you are."

One of their best products, in my humble opinion: 

Freudian Slippers! 

"Now you can really put your foot in it! Walk in the masters footsteps with our Freudian Slippers!"

There are so many clever, fun things to enjoy at this site.  I do love the mugs; most of them have disappearing and reappearing features when a hot beverage is poured into them, some of the best are:

The Cheshire Cat mug... the cat appears and disappears
The Global Warming mug... the continents disappear
The Civil Liberties mug... the civil rights disappear
Dr. Who's disappearing Tardis mug
The Freudian Sips mug
The Dorothy Parker martini glass "...'I like to have a Martini, two at the very most; three, I'm under the table, four I'm under my host!' So quipped Dorothy Parker."

I bought the Shakespearean Love mug, of course, as I am a hopeless romantic and I adore Shakespeare.
If love isn't your thing, there's a Shakespearean Insults mug which is very fun!

The best thing on my SLove mug is a little notation printed on the bottom that states, "For best results, use other side." Such clever mirth!

There are T-shirts, notepads, a large variety of mints, time pieces, finger puppets, energy bars, pill boxes... and so many other fun things for the keen thinker who has everything.

If you like politics, art, history, impressionism, science, philosophers, music, religion, literature or the renaissance, you will find yourself laughing at so much of what these Unemployed Philosophers offer.

Have a fabulous time visiting them.

Momentary Pause For A Trainwreck

Normally I only post quality material on this blog.

I'm going to make an exception today because Halloween just didn't scare me enough and one of my friends directed me to a very scary website; a recommendation which just may have earned him a smack in the back of the head.

As with any trainwreck, it's one of those seriously disturbing things that draws you in and you just can't look away, even when you know you should.

Fair warning & disclaimer given.  Welcome to People of Walmart.com.  Don't eat or drink anything while you are at this site; it will not end well.

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

It is astounding to me that people like this exist on our planet, and may I just say how grateful I am that so far our paths have not crossed often. Sometimes there are just no words... and yet, somehow, the commentator on this website is witty enough to find a fitting & oftentimes humorous caption for every single photo.

If you click on the photo tab, be sure you scroll down each page... you won't believe what you'll see. 

Here are some of the more TAME demo shots from the site... Don't say we didn't warn you:

It's The Great Pumpkin!

Mid October a few years ago, I found myself feeling inspired and crafty and standing in the aisle at the supermarket, paging through a holiday magazine looking at those fancy schmancy pumpkins that are carved into amazing Jack O'Lanterns.

I decided that it didn't look that difficult and that I ought to make one. The timing was good, a couple of weeks before Halloween. It would last, I thought. This couldn't be that difficult, I was certain.

I bought a good size pumpkin, parked myself on a large towel on the garage floor on a sunny afternoon with the garage door open and the radio on and went to work. Cleaned it out, carved the lid, and then prepared to make my image.

I pulled out a Peanuts color book and found a great image of Snoopy that would be perfect on a pumpkin.  Snoopy is requisite Halloween subject matter, considering The Great Pumpkin.  I taped it to the pumpkin, took a toothpick and poked dots all along the lines that needed to be carved out; sort of a 'carve along the dotted line' idea.  Dotting done, I removed the color book page and set to work with my special pumpkin carving knife.

At first, things seemed to be going well and I was fairly pleased with the results... but then I overestimated the carve and tried to fix it with extra toothpicks pushed into the inside side of the pumpkin and superglue.  A word to the wise... superglue does not work on pumpkins.  It does, however, work very well on fingers, paper towels, cloth towels and plastic carving knives.  

In the end, I was relegated to carving my usual simple Jack O'Lantern face into a new pumpkin. 

I'll leave the fancy carving to the pros!
  

Have a Happy Halloween!

 

One for Viaggiatore



 

A Snoopy for me

 



What You See & What You Get

OMG — oh my god
WTF — what the ~F~
STFU — shut the ~F~ up
PWN3D — aka 0wn2d = your computer is hacked, we own it down to the roots, we are already maxing out your credit cards buying stuff.
URAN00B — you are a n00b = newbie = my dog knows more about computers.
LMAOROTF — laughing my ass off, rolling on the floor = this is hilarious. (sometimes seen as ROTFLMAO or ROTFLMFAO)
KTHXBYE:P — ok thanks bye - pfffftthhbbbb.
IF YOU CAN READ THIS, UR EYEZ R THE L337. TTYL. — if you can read this, your eyes are “the leet” = excellent. talk to you later.

Wordless Wednesday

Variations of The Spartan Boot

Wordless Wednesday

Get Your Green On ~or~ March Of The Sweet Potato Queens

St. Patrick's Day is almost upon us, and with it come many things; wearin' o' the green, parades and Irish dancing, drinkin' o' the green beer, kisses galore because people are happy to use a complete lie as a reason to plant smackers on everyone they see, corned beef and cabbage and potatoes, whiskey, fashion-questionable attire and green derby hats.

It also brings something I look forward to every year... the holiest of holy days for the Sweet Potato Queens; the Hal and Mal's St. Patrick's Day parade in Jackson, Mississippi.

You don't know about the Sweet Potato Queens? Sit a spell. I'll tell y'all about 'em.

Jill Connor Brown wrote a book called, "The Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love" in 1999. It is 'split your sides laughing' funny. Her gems of wisdom are found all throughout the book, but some of my favorite chapters are:

~The True Magic Words Guaranteed to Get Any Man to Do Your Bidding
~The Five Men You Must Have in Your Life at All Times
~Men Who May Need Killing, Quite Frankly

~Be Prepared On Account Of You Just Never Know
~What to Eat When Tragedy Strikes, or Just for Entertainment

~The Best Advice Ever Given in the Entire History of the World

There are fabulous recipes for Chocolate Stuff and Fat Mama's Knock You Naked Margaritas.

I've tried the True Magic Words Guaranteed to Get Any Man to Do Your Bidding and they work. ;D

So, the book published and almost immediately, there were groups of women forming Sweet Potato Queens clubs, popping up all over the nation, followed almost immediately by several (20+) other countries in the world. Similar to the Red Hat Society; in fact, some women are in both 'ladies only' clubs. The propagation of SPQ's has given women a sisterhood; a place to find camaraderie, adventure, fun, silliness and the chance to not only let their red hair down, but let that strong, wild woman inside them out for some fresh air and shenanigans!

Back to The Parade.

Every year on St. Patricks Day, SPQ's from all over the world descend upon Jackson and take the town over. There are get~togethers, luncheons, dinners, dances, activities and of course; the march in the parade in full regalia; green dresses, crowns, wigs and sparkly things abound. I wish I could be there this year for the Bathrobe Brunch at the Hilton on Sunday morning, which closes the weekend's festivities. I've gone out to a restaurant dining room breakfast with friends, all of us in bathrobes and pajamas, but it's been a long time and none of us were queens.

Jill Connor Brown began a sweet revolution for middle aged, middle class women and it spread so much that there are no limits now. None. The men who join are either 'Spud Studs' or Queens; fair is fair, yes? This is Diva Training at it's finest and funniest. Living large and laughing a LOT.

But it's not all about big curves, huge crowns, red hair and being spoiled sweet. The SPQ's donate enormous amounts of money made from their activities towards charities; in particular, the Blair E. Batson Children’s Hospital. That's a worthy cause.

Even with the explosive popularity of her book and all the glitz and glamour that are part and parcel, Jill did not stop, thank the Queens. One great book deserves another and if you're lucky, a chain of them to keep your habit satisfied. If you haven't read these yet, get started, you are missing out.

~Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love (1999)
~God Save the Sweet Potato Queens (2001)
~The Sweet Potato Queens' Big-Ass Cookbook and Financial Planner (2003)
~Sweet Potato Queens' Field Guide to Men: Every Man I Love Is Either Married, Gay, or Dead (2004)
~The Sweet Potato Queens' Wedding Planner/Divorce Guide (2005)
~The Sweet Potato Queens' First Big-Ass Novel: Stuff We Didn't Actually Do, but Could Have, and May Yet (2007)
~The Sweet Potato Queens' Guide to Raising Children for Fun and Profit (2008)
~American Thighs: The Sweet Potato Queen's Guide to Preserving Your Assets (2008)

Viaggiatore and I wish you a safe and Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Baby Got Back

I was driving a girl of 14 through town one day and we were listening to the Charlie's Angel's soundtrack. Sir Mix A Lot's "Baby Got Back" came on and I immediately changed it to the next song as I believed that a 14 year old should not hear the inuendo-laden lyrics of "Baby Got Back" (...my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hon). She scoffed and said she knew every word, turned the song back on and proceeded to prove her point to me.

When the song ended, she announced resolutley that she was going to get butt implants when she turned 18.

I almost drove off the road. "Aren't you happy with what the Lord gave you?" I asked in amazement.

Her answer was a wide-eyed heavenward gaze with hands folded solemnly under her chin and in an authentic British accent she asked, "Please Sir, may I have some more?"

I wasn't able to drive after that.

O.o

A New Years Post, From The Bill Fiset Column

Bill Fiset was a columnist for the Oakland Tribune for many years... this is one of my favorite pieces from his years of satire and humor. Enjoy! Happy New Year!

Dear Betty and Joe,

First off, I want you both to know that I'm certainly not a bit angry that you ordered me out of your house at 3 am yesterday morning, at the height of your New Years Eve party. I'm not one to hold a grudge and I want you to know that I'll be happy to pay for whatever you consider to be my share of the damage that was caused.

I realize Betty and Joe, it will be virtually impossible to replace your cat, and it was certainly stupid of me to pour that saucer of straight bourbon for it, but none of us really thought the little thing would lap it all down and then run out through the French doors and throw itself in the swimming pool. Matter of fact, you probably noticed that I had quite a bit to drink myself, at your party. We live many miles apart, as you know, and there was NO way I intended to drive home on the freeway late New Year's Eve without getting bombed before-hand. It certainly is to my discredit I behaved as shabbily as you and the others at the party told me I did.

It's a credit to your bartending skills, Joe, that I even had the desire to mix those exotic rum drinks with the champagne and scotch, particularly after having all that wine at dinner, but I absolutely refuse to make that an excuse for my miserable behavior toward your niece, who I learned the next day is only 16. When I say the young lady has remarkable lung power, I do not refer to her size 38 chest, but to the intensity with which she screamed in the bedroom where I'd followed her by accident. Believe me when I say I had no intention of making any improper advances toward her, and in that regard, if you SHOULD happen to find a left shoe, size 10 in that particular bedroom, I would appreciate it's return.

I do want to apologize, also, for my erratic aim with your seltzer bottle, I was merely trying to water your hanging plant, which I noticed in your breakfast alcove, and it was only too late that I saw the stream was going into your microwave oven. That, I am certain, is what caused the minor explosion in your kitchen at that moment which short-circuited all the power in your house. Had not the lights gone out, I certainly never would have lighted the candles that accidentally set fire to your draperies, and I hope, Betty and Joe, you both will believe me in this regard.

It was only my effort, misplaced of course, to extend your hospitality that prompted me to stand out in front handing out drinks to the firemen when they arrived and I should not have done that. I imagine my actions were responsible for their delay in extinguishing the fire which unfortunately spread to your garage and consumed both your cars. Should you need temporary transportation until your insurance money arrives, I happen to have a 1938 Hudson that I would be happy to let you have for only $400.00, which is quite a bargain but one you certainly deserve.

Again, I erred in rolling your new bowling ball, Joe, down that marvelous long hall in your house. I had no idea a bowling ball would sail right on through the wallboard and into the master bathroom, shattering the commode. It was bad enough, without the dratted luck that your mother happened to be sitting there at the time. Rest assured that whatever the insurance doesn't cover, I'll be happy to drop by to repair. And please extend to your mother my wishes that the scratches she sustained in such a painful area will heal quickly.

I DO hope, Betty and Joe, that in view of our friendship back over the years, you will accept my apologies, and I'll be looking forward to receiving an invitation to that dinner party I understand you have planned for next month.

Sincerely,
Bill Fiset

Favorites & Remembrances

Viaggiatore and I are wandering through our time together here on our blog. Reminiscing about old blog friends, laughing at funny moments, looking back at all of the time we've spent and places we've gone.

Instead of posting a New Years meme, we've decided to share some favorite stories and experiences with you. There is no rhyme or reason; only smiles and laughter as we wander back through the years we've shared together.

Read what you like, and comment if you want to; we'll be checking in.

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

All of the Viaggiatore stories: See links at right, they are chronologically ordered! Very important if you want to know who he is, where he came from and how he ended up here!

Where Do You Live - A look at where we've been

Killing Me Ever So Softly - A dark journey into the heart and soul

Dream Maker - An underdog realizes his dreams... heartwarming!

Armed and Dangerous - In which I embark on an unexpected and riotous quest

Armed & Dangerous II - The sequel... because I never do anything halfway...

Philosophy, Justification & Irony - The truly humorous story of a tea bags journey to my mug, and my justification of it

The 3 Men Who Walked On Water - Laugh out loud photo of the day...

Schmoozing With His Majesty, King Elvis - 30 Years Later - Funny story about little people and the King

The Earl of Gray & the Chocolate Kiss - A sensuously tasty poem

Reflection - A very sobering (brief) video that will astound you and possibly bring a tear to your heart.

Easter Chicken - Scarlett's shenanigans in the kitchen for a holiday dinner...

My Love - A letter to a soul mate

Wandering With Bay - I take a little girl on a big adventure!

Settling Matters of the Heart - The great debate on whether one should settle in love or not!

There's an Explanation For Almost Everything - Government hilariously defined

The Picture Worth a Thousand Words - Sarah Palin wearing the other teams colors...

Of Murderers & Journalism - I ferociously lambaste U.S. Rep Jared Polis for his cold and callous remarks regarding the death of newspapers

There & Back Again - Photo post of my journey with Mr. Black to Versailles and Paris

At Home in Scotland - Photo post of the trip Mr. Black and I enjoyed in Scotland

Twilight Reminiscing - I recount the stories of our journey to Paris

Walking Through Echoes of the Past - I recount the stories of our visit in Scotland

Traveling Tails ~ Boston! - Mr. Black and I visit Boston



We hope you've enjoyed wandering with us, on our shore and on all the distant shores we love to visit. Have a very Happy New Year! We'll see you in January.


Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Traveling Tails ~ Boston

Viaggiatore, Mr. Black and I have returned from Boston with several photos, some nice postcards, and some more memories tucked into our pockets. We visited for 4 days and squeezed in quite bit of fun...

Highlights~
Museum of Fine Arts
Harry Potter Exhibition at Museum of Science
Guitar Hero Laser Show at Museum of Science
Boston Ballet ~ Nutcracker
Afternoon Tea at the Plaza
Chinatown
Coffee shops
Charles St.
The Freedom Trail
Revere Beach (Atlantic Ocean)
Mike's Pastry Shop & Hanover St.
Cheers (both)
Boston Symphony
Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum


Tails~

We had three hotel rooms in four nights. The sink leaked in the first one, the second one was a handicapped room with a drive in shower that resembled a locker room and there were teenagers a few rooms down who were seriously committed to hallway races at 3:30 in the morning. After a brief discussion with the management, we were put into a very nice room on the executive level for the last two nights.

We walked over the better part of Boston, taking it all in and enjoying it, but none of the walks was quite as good as the late night walk through a downpour rain under a shared umbrella. It was a bit of a long walk as I'd directed our path several blocks left when we should have gone one block to the right... but it was still very nice.

On the train to the Boston Symphony, I'd been sitting next to a rather shabby looking young man (whom Mr. Black is certain was a gang member), and when his stop came, he stood to get off the train and motioned with his head for me to follow him. I was shocked and tried my very best not to erupt in hysterical laughter. The boy was quite serious. He tried to convince me, without words, but to no avail, so he finally gave up and left me there with Mr. Black.

Mr. Black took over the Navigator duties after I discovered we'd been on the wrong train for half an hour; en route to the Museum of Fine Arts. Oops.

We drank 6 pots of different teas at our Afternoon Tea at the Plaza and visited with their resident tea sommelier, Cynthia Gold, who is a wealth of information on one of my favorite beverages and a wonderful lady.

I loved leaving footprints in the sand on Revere Beach, and slipping some pretty shells into my pocket, to touch when I am aching for the sea.

The rest of the stories will be saved for another day. It was a very nice trip, indeed.

On The Road Again!

Viaggiatore, Mr. Black and I are heading out onto the road again! We are going to visit Boston! I love Boston. I wish it was October instead of December... but it will be a delightful, albeit cold, visit.

We'll hit a couple of book stores, visit Boston Ballet, wander through little Italy in the North End, walk on the beach (weather permitting), check out China town, walk the Freedom Trail, enjoy an afternoon tea at the Taj, see the new exhibits at the Museum of Fine Art and the Isabella Gardner Museum as well as a few other surprises... and of course pay a visit to Cheers!

If you've been, what would you recommend we see and do?

Another Brief Interblued!

Before...

Those crazy kids at the University of Rochester Medical Center have found a new healing power for spinal injuries! The blue dye that can be found in M&M's and Gatorade. Apparently, when introduced into the body immediately after a spinal injury, it blocks the effects of ATP (Adenosine triphosphate) which hinders the bodies ability to heal. Great news!

There's just one side effect... it turns the lab rats blue. Temporarily.

Sing the Blue Rat Blues with me now...

After!


True Story!! Read all about it at CNN!

Walking Through Echoes Of The Past

There will be quite a bit of metaphorical reference in this one. Suspend your disbelief for a bit and walk with me on this incredible journey.

~SCOTLAND~

The purpose of the trip was to trace my family's history and heritage back as far as I could, to photograph and document the lands and places that they existed in, to reach back through time and history and make a connection that all my living family and our children's children could keep; so that our past will never be lost again. It's important to know where we came from.

Paris was en route, and it was so lovely... it was a beautiful dream. Scotland was an entirely different world.

We arrived late in the night and traveled by bus from the airport into the dark city. We might have been in a time traveling vehicle, as it seemed to be an anachronism; the only thing from this century that we could see in the world around us. Old stone walls and buildings, dim street lamps, narrow lanes and round-abouts, a winding twisting ride that eventually brought us to the center of the city, at the feet of an enormous fortress that loomed over us and glowed like a beacon in the blackness; Edinburgh Castle.

Morning's light found us in our bed and breakfast; a large old stone house, kept by a very kind couple. The city morphed into a slightly more modern machine during the day. We were served (every morning for the duration of the trip), a "Full Scottish Breakfast" which consists of sausage, an enormous slab of ham, eggs, cut tomatoes, sauteed mushrooms, red beans, cereal/porridge, fruit, toast (more toast?), and haggis & black pudding (if we were so inclined, and we were not), with coffee, juice, and tea. It is delicious, it is monstrously huge, it is serious protein, and a heart attack on a plate. We loved it!

We got our car after breakfast... the steering wheel is on the right side (passenger side in the states) of the car. It was a standard transmission; 5 speed, so fifth gear and reverse are next to the drivers left knee. I did all the driving. It was a bit terrifying unnerving, getting back to the B&B from the rental car place, where I needed to gather my wits before driving off all over the country. Mr. Black was an excellent co-pilot. I don't know how I'd have made it around without his patience and assistance. I did get the hang of it, after the second day, and it became fun then!
Our goals in focus, maps and plans at the ready, we took off to delve back hundreds and hundreds of years into the history of my forebears.

Our first priority was Scone Palace, where a special tribute to the Royal Stewart family was being performed. I must take a moment to thank Miss Pamela Lawrence from Scone Palace, without whose invaluable aide, we'd have had a much more difficult time. She has earned a sainthood from us for her kindness and extremely helpful advice.
Scone Palace is where the Kings of Scotland were crowned, at a little stone seat (the Stone of Destiny) in front of a tiny chapel. The chapel and the Stone of Destiny (or rather, a replica of it), are still there.

I sat on the stone, in the place where four of my great-grandfathers were crowned Kings of Scotland, and it was a humbling, reverent experience. I gazed out over the castle grounds and at the walls of the castle; where they looked, where they walked, where they stayed briefly. My feet rested on the ground that they stood on. Time began to fade then, and with every breath the shadows clouding the centuries between us evaporated like the Scottish fog burning off in the light of day.

The air in Scotland is cool and damp, and strange as it may seem, it is invigorating. We were both filled with an excited energy that ignited a love in us for this country and its people that will never fade. The fog and rain come and go as do the tides that wash up on the shores there. The sun plays hide and seek, and just when you think it's gone, it dances out gloriously scintillating and colors the air with rainbows.

I felt the thickness of time around me; like it hadn't gone anywhere at all, it just kept happening and filling space around the land, without end. Every place that we went and every step that I took felt like walking through ages where there was no barrier to separate them from each other and from me as I made my way in and through those moments.

We visited some new friends in Peebles and had a wonderful, albeit much too brief, time with them. They showed us Melrose Abbey, where the heart of King Robert the Bruce is buried. He told his men when he died, to carry his heart to the holy land as they joined the crusades and to bury it there in the holy temple, but the quest failed and his men brought his heart back to Scotland and there it lies now, in the quiet green ground under the towering ruins of Melrose Abbey. I knelt at the monument over my great-grandfathers heart, and 18 generations & 680 years fell away like leaves in the fall. My hands on the monument, I thought of the heart that lay beneath it, and of the man to whom it belongs. My heart pushes his blood through my body. I exist because he did. I breathed in the air around me as well as the endless moment, suspended as it was, in time.

Melrose Abbey is amazing, it is beautiful, and it is enormous; I tried to imagine what it looked like before it was destroyed by humanity and the ages. It is sacred to me for the simple reason that it holds such a precious part of my ancestry.

From Melrose, we went on to Flodden Field. Our friends told us, Scarlett, it is but a field... in the middle of nowhere... really, it's just a field. I know, I said with a smile, but I have to go, it's part of the journey. Another of my great-grandfathers died in battle there; Duncan Campbell. I must go. And we went.

Flodden Field is in England. Crossing the Scottish and English border is much like crossing a state line in the US. There's a small sign, and by small I mean maybe 3 feet by 4 feet. 'You are now entering England'. Flodden Field, site of the Battle of Flodden, is tucked away down an old winding country dirt road, one that twists and bends past farms and meadows and the odd fence. There is a tiny old country church at the base of the hill. At the top of the hill is a concrete Celtic cross, probably about 6 feet tall, maybe a little more. We parked and walked through a narrow wooden gate to the stairs that lead up to the top of the hill.

It is a field, and then it is absolutely not at all. Standing there in the clean, quiet country breeze, we could see all the world around us, and the dirt and grass at our feet. We could feel the peace that is there now, blanketing the sounds of battle that seem to echo just out of reach... the shouts of men, the clang of armour and weapons, the cries of desperation... how much blood spilled into that soil? The blood of 12,000 men; one of them another reason that I am alive and was standing where he had fallen. I wondered what he might have thought on his last day, marching across that land, wondering if he would live or die. How powerful that must have been... every sense heightened, every emotion racing through every fiber of his being at it's utmost capacity... and then it was lost, all of it, and he was gone.
The loss of life there and the ensuing peace is tangible. It can be felt through the body, mind, and soul, it can be sensed in the air and on the wind. I will never, ever forget what it felt like to be there.

We visited Stirling Castle, which is now a tourist stop overlooking Bannockburn Field, where a larger war was fought by my great-grandfather King Robert the Bruce, and where, just on the other side of the field, the Wallace monument looks on the castle. Stirling is a fortress, just like Edinburgh Castle. High on a hill, almost impenetrable... they really knew how to build them back then. It is the jewel of the city, rising above it all. It is very well kept up, and has seen changes over the centuries since my grandfathers walked through its halls.

Edinburgh Castle is much the same as Stirling; so very old a structure but one that is updated and hosts throngs of sightseers every day. There are hints and remnants of my family's history here and there; emblems of their coats of arms color the glass in the windows, and paintings of those arms adorn some of the walls. It is incredible to walk past the heavily guarded display of the crown, the kings sword, and the (possibly) real Stone of Destiny that are safely secured under glass and watchful eye. They are stunning, breathtaking in their strength, size, and grandeur. These are pretty artifacts in my mind, not a soul binding connection to the men that used them, and that connection is what I was after on this sojourn.

I found the most significant connection at Dunfermline Abbey. King Robert the Bruce's heart is buried in Melrose, but his body is buried at Dunfermline. It is also the place where my favorite great-grandfather, King James I of Scotland was born. Again I knelt, this time at the foot of my great-grandfather's tomb. It is a beautiful tomb made of red marble background, inlaid with his image in shining gold. There is a little plaque there, requesting... 'please do not touch'. I did so much more than touch. Just as it was at Melrose, every shroud between us vanished, and there we were, the two of us; he and I... seeming to regard each other in this space without walls, without boundaries or confines or laws of time and place. It was surreal, it was breathtaking and inexplicable.

Mr. Black and I visited many places in Edinburgh, including The Elephant House where JK Rowling began Harry Potter's life, and the Balmoral Hotel where she ended the tale. We had a fantastic time dancing at the coolest club I've ever been in, Frankenstein's, next door to The Elephant House. We were dumbfounded that we could not seem to find a Scottish restaurant for dinner anywhere in the country! They are big on foreign food; we had Chinese two nights, Mexican one night, Indian one night, and a delicious version of chic American one night. We filled up on the full Scottish breakfast every morning though, so it kind of worked out.

We spent one night at our new favorite bed & breakfast, just up the coast in Stonehaven, because I wanted to sleep by the sea. We were about 10 feet from the sand and waves, I couldn't have been closer unless I'd been in a boat. This was a perfect place to stay, our hosts there were absolutely delightful and so sweet that we didn't want to leave at all. We loved the little seaside town, with its cobblestone streets and old stone buildings. The ocean mist on our skin and the salt of the sea on our lips was delicious. We stood on our patio in the dark of night with a blanket wrapped around us for warmth against the storm that was tossing the sea into a tempest, and watched the swelling waves crash into the rocks and shore for a long while. I spoke Edgar Allen Poe's poem, Annabel Lee, and I'd have stayed the entire night out in the misty fog, hypnotized by the pulsating tide, if Mr. Black hadn't gently urged me back into our room.

When our plane lifted off from Edinburgh airport and flew over the lands end where the Atlantic Ocean washes its shores, I wept. Mr. Black and I both wanted nothing more than to stay there in that lovely country filled with the very kindest souls, daffodils as far as the eye could see, cool misty air, old castles and ages upon ages of history... but reality insisted that we come back here, where we can dream about that other world when we sleep, and find ourselves back in the arms and heart of that country again.

Twilight Reminiscing

The photos from the adventure have been posted.

The stories remain to be told, like secret jewels tucked away in safe pockets that I pull out a few at a time, to hold in my hand, to touch softly and turn over and over, re-examining every aspect of them... and I will share some of these lovely gems with you.

~PARIS~

Mr. Black and I saw and did just about everything in Paris. Almost everything I didn't do the last time I saw Paris... I am still wandering through these memories every single day, so lovely are they, and so absolutely treasured.

We walked through Montmartre and climbed the steps to Sacre Coeur. When we reached the top, we watched the sun setting and I made that photo of the Eiffel Tower in the pink light of days end. We wandered through the basilica, looking at every detail and immersing ourselves in its beauty. We ate in a little bistro just a block away from the basilica, and the musicians there indulged my request for "La Vie En Rose"... in French, which I've never heard before. When we left, we stopped to watch the Eiffel Tower shimmering and sparkling like a diamond at the top of the hour.

A violin player (you'll see him in the Paris post) was very sweet and played "Con Te Partiro (time to say goodbye)" by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman for us, when I stopped to photograph him. We rode carousels, made new friends, walked in awe and reverence through St. Chappelle (which is my favorite chapel in the world), and through the halls of Notre Dame. We had lunch at a little outdoor cafe in the Latin Quarter and suffered a truly snobby Parisian waiter, we walked along the Seine in the early afternoon light, past the pyramid at the Louvre, through the Tuileries, and barely escaped the traffic around the Concorde with our meager lives. We made wishes in countless fountains and admired the grandeur and loveliness of Paris. Two hours in line at the Eiffel Tower was no sacrifice at all for the moment that we stepped out onto the top level and watched the sun set over Paris from that breathtaking vantage point.

Mr. Black and I wandered through the Musee D'Orsay and marveled at the works there, and then I introduced him to Mona Lisa and a few corners of the Louvre. We wandered the city of lights in the evenings, up and down the Champs Elysees and throughout so many neighborhoods.

We left footprints in the gardens and hall of the Palace of Versailles, looking, laughing, enraptured, taking it all with us as we walked away. There was a very special dinner cruise down the Seine in a glass boat, and we saw the city all over again in a whole new light, and it was completely different and utterly amazing. We stood in wonderment and gazed at the glory of the Palais Garnier; the old opera house, when it is flooded with light at night, which is nothing short of stunning... and then we walked all the way around it, to see it from every angle.

Paris captured our hearts and held us spellbound with its beauty, mystery and treasures. We didn't want to leave at all, but on the way out of the city, she gave us one last sweet gift. I'd been on a quest to hear someone play "La Vie En Rose" on an accordion (both trips, hadn't happened), when lo and behold, our train was almost at the airport when I looked at Mr. Black and said, "That was almost perfect. Just one thing... where's my musician to walk through the train car and play this song for me on his accordion?" ...and not a minute later, a man walked into our train car with an accordion and played my song for me.

"...hold me close and hold me fast, the magic spell you cast, this is la vie en rose... when you kiss me, heaven sighs, and though I close my eyes, I see la vie en rose... when you press me to your heart, I'm in a world apart, a world where roses bloom... and when you speak, angels sing from above, every day words seem to turn into love songs... give your heart and soul to me, and life will always be la vie en rose..."

We'll walk in centuries old footsteps through Scotland soon...

At Home In Scotland

I'm glad that I have the photographs, because somehow the entire adventure seems like a dream. Was it real?

Sir Walter Scott memorial in downtown Edinburgh


Stained glass window looking over the tomb of King Robert the Bruce


Dunfermline Abby was the birthplace of my 15th (and favorite!) Great-Grandfather, King James I of Scotland.


The tomb of my 18th Great-Grandfather, King Robert the Bruce, at Dunfermline Abby


Stonehaven is taking proposals for speed limits on their highway... so, what do you think? I think 100 is fine!


Viaggiatore meets a Scottish lion, guarding the grounds at Edinburgh Castle


Statue of King Robert the Bruce at Edinburgh Castle


Edinburgh Castle


Bagpipes


Edinburgh


Stirling Castle and a memorial to King Robert the Bruce


Stirling defense


The Jetson mobile parked at Stirling Castle (yes it only has 1 door and 3 tires)


Path to Stirling Castle


Springtime in Scotland


Park anywhere you like, any way you like.
Really.

A beautiful Scottish sunset on the road back to Edinburgh


Flodden Field in England, where the Battle of Flodden took place, and where one of my Great-Grandfathers, Duncan Campbell, died in battle on 9 Sep, 1513, along with 10,000 others.


A river bridge between Melrose Abbey and Flodden Field


Melrose Abbey where the heart of King Robert the Bruce, my 18th Great-Grandfather, is buried.


I wanted a rainbow in Scotland and I got one! Welcome to Peebles!

"A noble heart may have no peace if freedom fail" inscripted on the memorial over the resting place of the heart of King Robert the Bruce, my 18th Great-Grandfather


Melrose Abby, where the heart of King Robert the Bruce rests


Bridge to Scone Palace


Scone Palace, crowning site of Scottish Kings


There is a garden star shaped maze at Scone Palace; this fountain is at its center


An albino peacock in the gardens at Scone Palace


The Stone of Destiny in front of the chapel at Scone Palace, where four of my Great-Grandfathers were crowned Kings of Scotland


The ocean in Stonehaven on a stormy rainy morning


Mr. Black in New York


The Empire State Building


My friend Jackie asked me to bring her back a Scottish gent...


Triple Deckers...