Tuesday, June 28, 2011

For Love Or Money

This morning as I was getting ready for work, the dj's on the radio asked a controversial and interesting question.

Who should pay on a date? Without getting into too many specifics or politics on variations in the subject (i.e. same sex dating/short term and long term relationships/level of physical involvement in the relationship etc) because those things do play into this, but I'm only referring to the 'skim across the top of the subject' that was brought up this morning on the radio...
who should pay on a date?

Of course I had an immediate albeit well thought out opinion.  I am independent and strong and able to care for myself and others in many ways. Yay me. That does not mean that if a man were to try to woo me that I should not allow that pursuit with grace and enjoy being treated like the valuable lady that I am (the dj referenced a Goddess concept which I delighted in).

Allowing the man in pursuit to express his affections by treating does not detract from my independence at all; on the contrary, it reinforces the ideal that I am open minded enough to allow someone else the pleasure of offering a kind gesture. If I insist that we go dutch every time or that I pay every other time, that does disesteem the man who is interested in me by denying him the opportunity to show it in this way, if he chooses to.

I also agree that it’s good for the lady to treat on occasion as a means of reciprocating the affection and gesture he offers her.

On the flip side of this coin and the other side of the truth in the middle is this (because truth is always in the middle); while it is very nice to be treated by a beau, it is absolutely and inherently wrong to allow a man to try to buy the ladies affections.  There is a difference between the two and if the lady is unsure of that boundary then she should not be in the relationship.

Men have tried to buy my affections in inordinately extravagant ways and I flat out refuse to allow it at every instance; integrity must always be at the heart of the action, but I definitely support the custom of the man treating the woman as long as it does not compromise either of them. It is romantic, it is thoughtful and it is slightly in a chivalrous vein.

What do you think about it?


heartinsanfrancisco said...

I am profoundly dismayed by the idea still held by a surprisingly large percentage of the male population that buying a woman dinner automatically entitles them to certain benefits. I think people should do what is most comfortable for them and the particulars of their relationship. I have nothing against being treated, and I also enjoy treating enough not to want to deny another this pleasure. I also think that a woman's company is worth the price of dinner at least, and to insist on going Dutch seems to imply that she does not realize her value. Still, men should not always be stuck with the tab. I'm glad I am not in the dating world for many reasons, including this one.

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

You are right about the sense of entitlement, dearest Hearts, which brings to light the unfathomable concept that the worth of a woman equals little more than a meal, and that is all.

I think it's probably situation specific; what is right for one couple may not be best suited for another.

"...how can love survive in such a graceless age", indeed. Well said Mr. Henley.

Scarlett & Viaggiatore