For Love Or Money

This morning as I was getting ready for work, the dj's on the radio asked a controversial and interesting question.

Who should pay on a date? Without getting into too many specifics or politics on variations in the subject (i.e. same sex dating/short term and long term relationships/level of physical involvement in the relationship etc) because those things do play into this, but I'm only referring to the 'skim across the top of the subject' that was brought up this morning on the radio...
who should pay on a date?

Of course I had an immediate albeit well thought out opinion.  I am independent and strong and able to care for myself and others in many ways. Yay me. That does not mean that if a man were to try to woo me that I should not allow that pursuit with grace and enjoy being treated like the valuable lady that I am (the dj referenced a Goddess concept which I delighted in).

Allowing the man in pursuit to express his affections by treating does not detract from my independence at all; on the contrary, it reinforces the ideal that I am open minded enough to allow someone else the pleasure of offering a kind gesture. If I insist that we go dutch every time or that I pay every other time, that does disesteem the man who is interested in me by denying him the opportunity to show it in this way, if he chooses to.

I also agree that it’s good for the lady to treat on occasion as a means of reciprocating the affection and gesture he offers her.

On the flip side of this coin and the other side of the truth in the middle is this (because truth is always in the middle); while it is very nice to be treated by a beau, it is absolutely and inherently wrong to allow a man to try to buy the ladies affections.  There is a difference between the two and if the lady is unsure of that boundary then she should not be in the relationship.

Men have tried to buy my affections in inordinately extravagant ways and I flat out refuse to allow it at every instance; integrity must always be at the heart of the action, but I definitely support the custom of the man treating the woman as long as it does not compromise either of them. It is romantic, it is thoughtful and it is slightly in a chivalrous vein.

What do you think about it?

Happy Birthday Viaggiatore!

Viaggiatore is 4 years old today! Happy Birthday my beautiful muse! We've traveled so far; over the world, through days and weeks and years, made many friends and discoveries and had countless wonderful experiences.

I'd never trade a moment of it! I am so looking forward to all of our days to come; each one special and  precious.

Happy Birthday Viaggiatore!

From Viaggiatore~ The Lion of Lyon Tail, "...Viaggiatore was once a single thought... just one idea. Long ago, a good Samaritan selflessly saved the life of another human, with no thought for his own safety. The Lord was so pleased at this act of love, that he offered the Samaritan a wish... anything he wanted. The Samaritan said he wished only to continue to do good, everywhere he went, without ever knowing it. The Lord granted this wish, and then decided that it was such a good idea, it ought to be everywhere, for everyone.
He created Viaggiatore as a thought... it is him, in those moments of kindness when we do not know the good we do for others, he is a passing idea... a traveling thought that steps gently within us, and then moves on. As Viaggiatore passed throughout the world touching others, he walked away with remnants of each step touching him, and these remnants created a tangible body for him. The beauty of a world in unity incarnate in the skin of a lion. (Viaggiatore said) ".....I am made of the places that I have passed through, like any of us, it is the good and the bad that make me who I am and I cannot discard those things in my life that weren't good, any more than you can. It gives me character anyway, don't you think?"

*If you haven't yet met Viaggiatore (and you should, he's fascinating!) you can find out all about him here:

Viaggiatore~ The Lion of Lyon Tail
Viaggiatore~ Lion hide & Jungle Flight
Viaggiatore~ Sahara Sand & the Mediterranean Sea

Cuppa Joe

I pulled up to a shed that had been painted baby blue and renovated into a drive up coffee hut. A rubber hose that stretched out across the asphalt rang like a service station bell to alert the proprietor to my presence, when I drove over it. I looked at the brief and simple menu and then at the window.

A man of at least 150 years in age leaned his old weathered face out the window.
"YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?" he yelled across the two foot distance to me.

My biting satirical tongue was barred momentarily by my teeth which flashed a million dollar grin and I swallowed the smarty pants retort that rushed to spring from my lips before I ingested it... "No, Sir, I just pulled up to this drive up coffee shed to see if you could wash the windshield of my car and check the oil."  But I didn't say it.

"Yes, please, Sir!" I offered up to him as his window towered over my drivers side door.  Examining the menu, I thought I'd reserve my usual barista lingo coffee request and keep it simple for this elderly gentleman of the small country town persuasion. I was surprised to find a coffee shed there at all, let alone one which sold several beverage options in Italian (espresso, cappuccino...); it was encouraging, but I thought simple would be best.

"Could I please get a mochaccino, decaf?" I asked.

"A WHAT?!?!" he yelled at me, the deep lines on his old face transforming into bewilderment.

I realized, too late, that I had overestimated the culture curve bridging the short distance between us. I could simplify this again and put it into steps for him, in an effort to be helpful. 

"Could you please make a cappuccino?"

"YEAH."

"Do you have some sort of chocolate syrup that you could put into it, please?" ...voila, mochaccino.

"OH... YOU DON'T WANT A CAPPUCCINO. THERE'S NOTHING IN IT!" he hollered at me.

I was at a complete loss.

"I'm sorry?"

"YOU OUGHTTA GET A LATTE. DON'T YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CAPPUCCINO AND A LATTE?"

I was dumbstruck. I was trying my very best to fathom how this elderly gentleman could possibly be serious. I smiled in confusion and politeness and he took no notice; he just plowed right on.

"A CAPPUCCINO IS ALL FOAM. YOU DON'T WANT THAT. THERE'S ONLY HALF A CUP OF COFFEE. GET A LATTE, THEN YOU HAVE A WHOLE CUP OF COFFEE."

I stared at him incredulously. My two friends who were sitting in the car with me were in hysterics laughing at the situation.  I could only think that I didn't want to confound the old man any further, for that would invariably lead to more amazement on my part, and I'd had enough by this point.

"That's fine, Sir, please use decaf and please put some chocolate in it."

He left to start the coffee and I turned and stared at my friends who were still in fits of laughter. 

"HEY!" He yelled to me and I turned and looked up at him leaning out to me again.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE A SMART ASS, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU KNEW THE DIFFERENCE!" he yelled. He handed me a large cup, I paid him and we drove off.

I tasted it; it was the worst cup of joe I have ever had the misfortune to lift to my lips. I looked at my friends and said, "I'm so sorry that I didn't go to Starbucks."  They continued to laugh at the whole debacle.

Since this encounter, I have made a new cardinal rule in the Holy Book of Scarlett's Cardinal Rules... 'If they don't know what it is, don't ask them to make it, and never buy coffee from an old man in a coffee shed in a small town. Ever.'

Passport Stamps ~ On The Lighter Side

"Yes, I'd like the Reality entree with the special Common Sense Sauce, a side of Snark, lightly grilled, the Wild Side Salad but please hold the Stupid Nuts, bring the Spice of Life dressing on the side and Chocolate Covered Dreams for dessert, please."
~ Wanderlust Scarlett

3.5 Minutes

In June, 2009 AirFrance Flight 447 fell out of the sky and crashed into the Atlantic Ocean.  France's Bureau of Investigation and Analysis has stated that it fell from 38,000 feet in three and a half minutes. That's 10,000 feet per minute.

A minute can be a long time.

60 seconds.

Watch a clock tick for 60 seconds and see how long it is.

I believe that in the experience of all of those people aboard that flight, that it was very likely the longest three and half minutes and simultaneously the shortest three and a half minutes of their lives. They had to have known... falling at 10,000 feet per minute. What were they thinking? What did they do?
Our truest colors show through in the most difficult times.

What would you think or do in that circumstance? If you were on that plane... if you knew that your life was about to end and there was nothing you could do to stop it. If you knew the lives of others around you were ending... what would you do? Three and a half minutes.

I believe, if there were a loved one sitting next to me, that I would hold them tightly and tell them how much I loved them. If I were seated by a stranger, I would hold their hand, if they wanted it. I would think prayers and thoughts of love to all those who mean the world to me. I would probably watch, as I would very likely be seated by the window, in hopes that somehow it would work out.  Disbelief. 

The truth is that we are all in that position, constantly, though undoubtedly not as tragically. The minutes of our lives are unknown, and they tick away incessantly. There may be mere moments left to us, 3 minutes or 3 billion minutes. Does it make it any less valuable if you have more of it? No. Are you making every minute count? Do your loved ones know how much they mean to you?

Would you leave it unsaid or undone?

Zombie Apocalypse Plan ~ Centers For Disease Control & Prevention

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has created a Zombie Apocalypse Plan. It's fairly well thought out and presented. It's important to be prepared for just about anything. Zombie Apocalypse preparedness is just another step in ensuring the safety and survival of the living in the event that the Mayans were off on their calendar and the Zombies rise to eat all of our brains.
If nothing else, it is a good laugh, and laughter is the best medicine. Thank you, CDC, for looking out for the well being of all, in many ways.

Passport Stamps

"All love that has not friendship for its base is like a mansion built upon the sand." ~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Masking The Truth

This is not the first post that Viaggiatore and I have published on masques... but it is a different masque, this time.

Oscar Wilde said, "Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."

Why do we hide behind our masks? Why do we only feel the confidence to bare our souls to the universe when our faces our hidden?

Truth is no stranger, but why would we keep it… hidden away, secret… unable to face the truth without a mask?

A child's plaything? Oh no… this game is for the grownups. Children are openly honest and truthful; sometimes painfully so, but not the adults. Not the ones who believe that they must hide themselves from the world, and only come out to play when the lighting is right, and the curtain is up and the mask is on: then we can be anything we dare to be, without concern or recompense.

A mask to hide behind to tell the truth… to say this is who is inside me, what I believe, what I want, what I think, how I feel. But look neither upon my face, nor into my eyes… for therein lies my mortal soul, and it would whither should you see it bared before you.
Oh but it wouldn't… really. Fear binds us tighter than any other lie. Fear suffocates us into silence, tethers our feet to the ground so that we cannot fly into the heavens that call us, and over time it dissolves our cores like a rotting disease.

Fear is the impetus behind the need for the mask.
And for what purpose? What need? There is none.
Why would we ever hold tight to a disease that destroys us?

If we are without a mask to hide behind, then what is lost, and what is gained?

What strength could be found by defeating that façade… what honesty, truth, love and beauty could be given fully when there is no masquerade? No pretense. Would we discover that we are much closer to becoming the person that we long to be, if we did not hide our true selves away from the world?

Oh yes. Yes, indeed.

Sea Fever

I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking,
And a gray mist on the sea's face, and a gray dawn breaking.

I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull's way and the whale's way, where the wind's like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover,
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over.

~John Masefield

Wonder Women

"Human beings the world over need freedom and security that they may be able to realize their full potential. We want to empower our people; we want to strengthen them; we want to provide them with the kind of qualifications that will enable them to build up their own country themselves." ~Aung San Suu Kyi

"There was one of two things I had a right to, liberty or death; if I could not have one, I would have the other." ~Harriet Tubman

"Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you."

"They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?"

"People think that at the end of the day a man is the only answer. Actually, a fulfilling job is better for me." ~Princess Diana
 

“All our problems, all our disputes, all our disagreements can be resolved quickly to mutual satisfaction if we address the question”  "You can imprison a man, but not an idea. You can exile a man, but not an idea. You can kill a man, but not an idea." ~Benazir Bhutto

Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him. If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back, and get it right side up again! ~Sojourner Truth

 

There are countless women to honor on this 100th anniversary of International Women's Day, Women from every country, every culture, every imaginable background, who used their lives to make a significant difference not only in the lives of other women in their own days, but in the lives of all people in the time that followed them. I've selected a few to represent the masses who changed the world.  Thank you! For the young women just growing up today, and for those to come in years ahead, you have a mantle to carry, lifted with strength and dignity by the ladies who came before you, bear it well.

Passport Stamps

"I do not believe that we are what our lives have been, but rather, we are what we have made of our lives." ~Scarlett

Dreams In The Deep

Federico Fellini (a man with a brilliant mind, in my opinion), said... “You exist only in what you do.”

I thought about that this week... especially this week, having just come away from Martin Luther King Jr. Day (MLK is my most loved hero). I always steep my heart and mind in unfathomable depths of philosophy, integrity, morality, goals, dreams, love and values of character during this week more than many others in the year.  It is my own personal mental and spiritual epiphany; thank you kindly for your indulgence!

So... Federico...

"You exist only in what you do."

At first glance, I thought... why yes! Yes, of course that's true. I smiled at his thought. Then I thought of Martin.  One of the most incredible things about Dr.King was that he not only existed prominently in what he did... but he most assuredly existed, famously even, in what he did not do.  Non violence.  Not accepting the world as it was, but working peacefully to change it into what it ought to be; the better place that it could be.

Then I realized that both ideas are correct.  Really, it's a glass half full or half empty sort of thing.  In effect, when an action is not taken, it could be viewed as action by inaction... could it not?

My mind goes to a dear friend of mine who is oftimes quiet and thoughtful in most circumstances, taking everything in silently, processing, and only occasionally offering a response.  I have seen so many people attempt to affect this friend's opinion, thought and action, by means of sugar & honey, by salty tears & heartfelt pleading, by anger & rage, and by so many countless other means that very rarely bring an end to their solicitor. Nearly always, these trials effect not much more than a nod at best, and when it truly matters, there is no reaction left ungiven, but more often than not... most of the waves that sweep in to that shore are left to retract back out to sea without so much as a whisper. 

This inaction is another example of existing in what is not done... which is the same, I think, as existing in what is done, from another point of view. 

...and you? What do you think?

Wordless Wednesday

Grains Of Sand

There were so many different grains of sand that fell this year. Each one very precious. Each one with significant purpose and meaning. I learned so much, this year, more than I have in a very long time. Listening affords one the opportunity to hear and then change, if one is open to that.

This was the year that seemed to ride on shifting sands all the way through... everything I thought would go one way, went another, so many plans were changed or let go of, and things I didn't expect presented themselves from seemingly nowhere.

Fine grains~

     There was forgiveness between people I love, and I forgave, and I was graciously forgiven.  It emphasized compassion, understanding, patience, devotion and love, and it strengthened bonds.

     There was discovery and adventure in small and huge ways, in new places and in old, hand in hand with friends, which only serves to enrich those kind of experiences even more.  These excursions included the procurement of a red satin fringed flapper dress, Tony Bennett, King Tut, incredible moments in Muir Woods, tigers & leopards, ocean waves, orca whales, beautiful cities, a champagne birthday on a beach before an ocean sunset, a random cow, tangible history in Westminster Abbey, new friends in London, old and new hidden treasured places along the Thames, midnight under Big Ben, a movie set & some incredible actors, dolphins in SF Bay (?!), the best breakfast cafe in SF, the best sushi in the world in V.BC, a girl and her horse make beautiful subjects before a lens, mountain lakes don't last for eternity, there are faerie glens in woods & secret mountain places, I went halfway up the Eiffel Tower... again, the umbrella salesman has a stand at the end of the rainy road, I already met the only accordion player who knows La Vie En Rose and he's not in Vegas, art comes in every form and when it's water, it's beautiful, there's no rush or thrill like standing on a stage in a theatre singing your heart out to strangers, and it is equally thrilling to see dear friends do the same.

    

Medium grains-

     Friendships mean different things to different people and when they are lost, it isn't always a bad thing.  In the face of lost friendships, the loyalty and devotion of good friends is truly shown for its priceless worth. 

     When times are very difficult, in loss, in fright, in pain, in anger, in confusion, there isn't anything so good or precious as the warm steady strength of a friends hand or loving arms to make it through the darkness.

     We have control over our environments, most of the time, and we have absolute control over how we choose to react to our environments and our experiences.  I quote Viktor Frankl, a holocaust survivor, “...The last of human freedoms – the ability to choose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances.” as he explains how he made it through his unthinkable ordeal.  I repeated lessons in learning to adapt and grow in different environments... learning to make choices that would benefit others as well as myself.

     Humbleness is found in honesty with self and when spoken with love by others, and it is the essential nutrient a soul needs to grow strong and upright. 

     Allowing shame and guilt to dictate behavior and thought is an unnecessary self-inflicted binding that hinders recovery and growth and should be left alone entirely.

Coarse grains- 

     One of the biggest lessons of the year, and one I am still working through, is that love is all encompassing... real love knows no bounds, it is not ruled by organization... by trying to force it into categories and definitive segments... compartmentalized until it is nicely and neatly controlled. It is fluid, powerful, endless, as the oceans I love so much. Learning how to love like that is a work in progress for me.  It is astounding what I've held back from others because I did not understand the way that love is.  I raged against the wall only to discover that I'd built the dam with my own two hands, all by myself.  There's a confounding revelation.

      Another lesson is learning to deal with everything as it comes, instead of pretending it does not exist, as has been my modus operandi for a long while.  This behavior has excluded me from the very world at large... known, unknown, wanted, unwanted, and I've missed more than I could ever express. I have a passion for life that is boundless within certain bounds.  That paradox cuts off so much possibility. I want boundless passion for life... period. I don't want to miss anything. Ever.      

    

I hope that this year has found you well and successful in every way. Healthy, strong, and happy. I hope you've realized dreams and goals, and I hope you have new ones shining in the distance of days to come.

Happy New Year

Nobel Peace Price

Our most sincere and delighted congratulations to

Liu Xiaobo for winning the Nobel Peace Prize this year!

Our most sincere and heartsick sorrow to Liu Xiaobo that the Chinese government has charged him with 'inciting subversion' and imprisoned him for 11 years. This stems from his work to change China's communist ideals.

The price of freedom is high, but there is nothing that those who want it won't sacrifice to get it; history has shown us this time and time again.

The Chinese government has called Xiaobo's Nobel win "an attack on its political and legal system" and a "political farce", as they view the (massive world wide) support of Xiaobo in an extremely negative light. His wife, Liu Xia has been under house arrest since the Nobel committee announced Xiaobo's win.  No one will be allowed to accept his prize for him, unfortunately. 

The Nobel committee will honor this imprisoned hero by representing him with an empty chair at the presentation of the awards.  He may not be there to accept it physically, but his absence will make him more powerfully present than anyone else who is there.  It will speak volumes to the world, and hopefully, to the leaders of China.    

Chinese foreign ministry spokeswoman Jiang Yu said,

"The Nobel committee has to admit they are in the minority, the Chinese people and the overwhelming majority of people in the world are against this.  The decision of the Norwegian Nobel Committee does not represent the wish of the majority of the people in the world, particularly that of the developing countries... This is not an issue of human rights; it is an issue of interference of internal affairs...  Liu Xiaobo broke Article 105, a crime of instigating the subversion of state power. He went beyond general criticism of the state..."

I believe that she is wrong, and I am not alone in that opinion.
Almost 100 protesters marched on the Chinese Embassy in Oslo with a petition containing more than 100,000 signatures demanding Liu Xiaobo be released from prison, crying "Freedom to Liu! Freedom for China!". 

Leaders from many nations all over the world including President Barack Obama and his wife have called for his release as well, and China's leaders in Beijing have only grown more furious over the requests and demands for Xiaobo's freedom.  The Chinese Foreign Ministry has blocked all media and internet coverage and all information about the Nobel Peace Prize being awarded to Liu Xiaobo. 

President Obama stated,

"Mr. Liu reminds us that human dignity also depends upon the advance of democracy, open society, and the rule of law. The values he espouses are universal, his struggle is peaceful, and he should be released as soon as possible."

The chair is only empty of a physical body... it is filled beyond measure with faith, with ideals, with dreams, with the support of those who have freedom and of those who believe in it and dream of it every day.

These are the struggles that bring us to freedom in the days to come. Liu Xiaobo, we believe in you, and in what you stand for. Keep the faith. Peace be with you.



Chris Andrews Photography http://www.cja-images.org.uk/index.html