Killing me ever so softly

I am an old soul, and a wanderer. In my mind, in reality, in my heart, in my soul... in every fiber of my being that trembles with anticipation... curiosity... and yearning to move with the winds and touch every place I can find. It is the quintessence of my existence.
I sometimes wander to wondrous places, and sometimes, I miss the scent that somehow should have warned me away from others. Recently I found myself in a place, by chance, that is not a bad place for me to be, on the surface.
But my 'satiable curtiosity' (reference Rudyard Kipling's Elephants Child on this term and spelling), got the better of me, and I waded in deep. As deep as one can go.
There was a curtain shrouding the depths. As I inched in, the breeze of invitation and familiarity danced in the curtains, and I was slowly seduced into going further and further. With every step, it seemed that I was walking in a dream... some place I'd been before but had forgotten, and only vaguely recognized. So I continued, until I came upon a shock, quite unexpectedly. It took my breath away... but I stayed... and then there were more... here and there, around every bend. The shroud would move, gently, and each time I'd find myself looking into a mirror, but the face looking back at me was not mine. The strange face in the mirror would vanish and hide again for brief moments, and then reappear again, suddenly, clearly, and much closer than I could bear. Truth staring back at me with no grace.
I would close my eyes, and step away... no, this cannot be. This person, in this mirror, this stranger cannot know me so intimately, so deeply. I have walls up, I have a fortress around my heart and soul that no one can penetrate. The unfamiliar face, in the familiar place, could not possibly exist. I dreamed this person up... a figment of my fancies. A mirage. But there those eyes were... staring back into mine. Mocking me... "I know you... know you of old... you can hide nothing from me." There were words... so many words put together so carefully... crafted to shatter my walls with their quiet force, albeit unknowingly.
The words, the meanings, the truths hidden within were so clear to me, with a light as bright as the sun shining relentlessly on all the secret rooms and caverns of my heart... exposing everything I have so carefully tucked away... buried. I fell to my knees and begged, with tears streaming... anguished in such deep and terrible pain... no, please, no... say no more. Hide these truths from me that I have ignored into oblivion.
But they seared their way into my mind... and would not be forgotten.
In a feeble attempt to recover, I smiled through the tears and ache... I am fine, I lied. It's all a coincidence. These mirrored truths that flash mercilessly at me from a strangers eyes... they are all just mere irony... nothing real. Nothing...
But I could not turn away.
I have wandered too far... and when I realized the distance I'd gone, I knew I could not go back. I have neither the strength nor the willpower to move.
I can only lay in this bed of thorns until time eases the wounds and I am able to escape. Like a wounded dove, I will fly away... so far away, as soon as the possibility becomes reality.
In the meantime, I shall learn to dance on hot coals, and the bittersweet familiarity will not overcome me.
It may be killing me... ever so softly, but I have been near death before, and I do not fear it.
I will fly fast, and sure... and find other shores to wander on that will only know the footprints I've left behind.


Scarlett